Am I doing the right thing? Is it worth it to spend time, effort and energy in studying, well more of learning actually? Will I overcome this challenge? Can I manage this new change despite the many responsibilities that i need to attend? How important is for me to do something? Really, what are my priorities? I felt obliged to do somethings but are those helping me?
Obviously, I have lots of questions in mind. I hoped to have a retreat before this semester ends, but time flies. It's like there are things to do left and right. I would have said, i didn't have time. but I know that twas more of a matter of failing to make time. :( There are so many things to do but there's so little time. There are so many changes happening but the time to absorb the changes isn't enough...isn't it?
Yesterday, we had our orientation in grad school. I don't know what to feel. I feel anxious and pressured with the presentation of all the possibilities that the university and grad school life can offer. But at the same time, i feel amazed and excited. I am grateful that i have the opportunity to meet more greater people like my teacher in MC (e.g., sir Jay, Ms. barros, Sir Mot, Tojie); this time, it's the people like dr. Alampay, Dr. Hechenova, Dr. Teh, etc. I feel that there are lots of rooms to grow here, and that definitely i am on the right track. I feel so blessed that I got the chance to be part of this holistic and competent department. I felt that maybe there is a reason why I wasn't accepted to study for MA in Germany. Maybe, it is not yet time. For sure it's not for me.. Maybe i need to be prepared for something bigger.. bigger what? I don't know, yet. Definitely (and sadly), my Miriam education isn't enough to prepare me for the bigger world. Maybe, the university life with a world-wide perspective would help me prepare for a bigger and better future.
I was touched with the opening prayer and the orientation earlier. Truly, those who chose this kind of path are courageous people.It's a risk, yes, but it is also a big investment of almost everything--time, relationship, career. I was about to go home (that is after, Max and I spent time contextualizing our thoughts and feelings about what are these that we are currently experiencing, in Starbucks Katips as usual) when someone I know "grabbed" me and invited me to join their dinner in McDo Katipunan (Although, I didn't really eat with them because i was still full from the orientation). That was Kuya Boom. He was with Ate ZsaZsa and Kuya Milan--all of whom are previous Pathways officers. They were conversing to a foreigner from Columbia. The guy, whose name is Carlos is staying for about 3 and a half months here in the Philippines. He was selling tickets to my Ate and Kuyas in Pathways then. The ticket he was selling was about an event in UP. The guy was an economist missionary from Columbia who is very much into his spirituality. He talked a lot... maybe that's part of being a foreigner in a strange land, either you talk a lot or you keep quiet most of the time. Among the things that he talked about was his idea of "giving up" the life that he used to have--which according to him was that, he got everything he needed and wanted-- that struck me the most. While he was talking about accepting change, meaning change of lifestyle, environment, everything, i was thinking, to what extent will i be willing to give - up something just for the sake of living my ideals of "purpose in life"? And what is that purpose, btw? Similarly, what are the things that i should or would give-up if ever?
Listening to a total stranger that night was like a meant to be thing for me. Earlier that night, with the orientation in MA and the talk with Max, I was thinking of the possible endeavors, particularly in the aspect of career that I would be taking in 4 - 10 years. Carlos, the Columbian, appeared to be happy with what he's doing. He was very much away from his family, well maybe family bond isn't that strong in Columbian people unlike the Filipinos. But the point is, he seemed satisfied with what he thought he's doing for his life purpose. He has a center in his life and it was obvious that it is God. Whatever he do, he mentioned that it is toward that center. That is what i need to achieve. I need focus. I know that whatever I am doing right now is not for myself. It is for something bigger than myself---it could be my family, my community, my country, and God. These may sound ideals but i know that with all the things that I am doing right now, one thing is for sure. This is not what a 21-year old typically do. The energy that i am exerting isn't for a 21-year old , although many at this point in time, experience life-changing events. But i know that i wouldn't do all these things possible if I am only working for myself--if I am only striving for myself. I am aware that it is beyond that.
One more striking thing is that, my question of: "what is He preparing for me" was somewhat answered when I got to talk to Ate Zsa, Kuya Milan and Kuya Boom. Ate Zsa recently came from the Pennsylvania, US. It was awesome talking to them. They gave me insights about living independently. Ate zsa mentioned that her lifestyle when she was studying college and working here in the Philippines prepared her for a bigger opportunity and challenge. She used to live in a dorm during those time and according to her, that helped her grow a lot and be prepared for something like US experience. Living and working in the US isn't easy at all. Living outside the country, away from the family isn't easy at all, period. My new experiences right now, maybe are not just to signal adulthood.. but maybe it's also about the preparation that I need for the future.
I don't know what will happen in the future..I only have the present. And as much as possible, I want to open myself up to the magic of the present. But i know in myself that my way of dealing with life wouldn't be easy if I don't make my past and future matter... As of now, I am just happy, overwhelmed but excited to live the present. But the present is not that friendly. Like right now, i feel guilty not having enough time for my family. I feel guilty that I may not be being fair to my employer and students; that my energy, focus and attention are all divided. I wish to give my 100% to whatever I do in the present but right now, I need to figure out what to leave and what to carry to the future. With all these confusions, one thing is for sure. I am making the right decision to pursue my dream of becoming a Clinical Psychologist.
Obviously, I have lots of questions in mind. I hoped to have a retreat before this semester ends, but time flies. It's like there are things to do left and right. I would have said, i didn't have time. but I know that twas more of a matter of failing to make time. :( There are so many things to do but there's so little time. There are so many changes happening but the time to absorb the changes isn't enough...isn't it?
Yesterday, we had our orientation in grad school. I don't know what to feel. I feel anxious and pressured with the presentation of all the possibilities that the university and grad school life can offer. But at the same time, i feel amazed and excited. I am grateful that i have the opportunity to meet more greater people like my teacher in MC (e.g., sir Jay, Ms. barros, Sir Mot, Tojie); this time, it's the people like dr. Alampay, Dr. Hechenova, Dr. Teh, etc. I feel that there are lots of rooms to grow here, and that definitely i am on the right track. I feel so blessed that I got the chance to be part of this holistic and competent department. I felt that maybe there is a reason why I wasn't accepted to study for MA in Germany. Maybe, it is not yet time. For sure it's not for me.. Maybe i need to be prepared for something bigger.. bigger what? I don't know, yet. Definitely (and sadly), my Miriam education isn't enough to prepare me for the bigger world. Maybe, the university life with a world-wide perspective would help me prepare for a bigger and better future.
I was touched with the opening prayer and the orientation earlier. Truly, those who chose this kind of path are courageous people.It's a risk, yes, but it is also a big investment of almost everything--time, relationship, career. I was about to go home (that is after, Max and I spent time contextualizing our thoughts and feelings about what are these that we are currently experiencing, in Starbucks Katips as usual) when someone I know "grabbed" me and invited me to join their dinner in McDo Katipunan (Although, I didn't really eat with them because i was still full from the orientation). That was Kuya Boom. He was with Ate ZsaZsa and Kuya Milan--all of whom are previous Pathways officers. They were conversing to a foreigner from Columbia. The guy, whose name is Carlos is staying for about 3 and a half months here in the Philippines. He was selling tickets to my Ate and Kuyas in Pathways then. The ticket he was selling was about an event in UP. The guy was an economist missionary from Columbia who is very much into his spirituality. He talked a lot... maybe that's part of being a foreigner in a strange land, either you talk a lot or you keep quiet most of the time. Among the things that he talked about was his idea of "giving up" the life that he used to have--which according to him was that, he got everything he needed and wanted-- that struck me the most. While he was talking about accepting change, meaning change of lifestyle, environment, everything, i was thinking, to what extent will i be willing to give - up something just for the sake of living my ideals of "purpose in life"? And what is that purpose, btw? Similarly, what are the things that i should or would give-up if ever?
Listening to a total stranger that night was like a meant to be thing for me. Earlier that night, with the orientation in MA and the talk with Max, I was thinking of the possible endeavors, particularly in the aspect of career that I would be taking in 4 - 10 years. Carlos, the Columbian, appeared to be happy with what he's doing. He was very much away from his family, well maybe family bond isn't that strong in Columbian people unlike the Filipinos. But the point is, he seemed satisfied with what he thought he's doing for his life purpose. He has a center in his life and it was obvious that it is God. Whatever he do, he mentioned that it is toward that center. That is what i need to achieve. I need focus. I know that whatever I am doing right now is not for myself. It is for something bigger than myself---it could be my family, my community, my country, and God. These may sound ideals but i know that with all the things that I am doing right now, one thing is for sure. This is not what a 21-year old typically do. The energy that i am exerting isn't for a 21-year old , although many at this point in time, experience life-changing events. But i know that i wouldn't do all these things possible if I am only working for myself--if I am only striving for myself. I am aware that it is beyond that.
One more striking thing is that, my question of: "what is He preparing for me" was somewhat answered when I got to talk to Ate Zsa, Kuya Milan and Kuya Boom. Ate Zsa recently came from the Pennsylvania, US. It was awesome talking to them. They gave me insights about living independently. Ate zsa mentioned that her lifestyle when she was studying college and working here in the Philippines prepared her for a bigger opportunity and challenge. She used to live in a dorm during those time and according to her, that helped her grow a lot and be prepared for something like US experience. Living and working in the US isn't easy at all. Living outside the country, away from the family isn't easy at all, period. My new experiences right now, maybe are not just to signal adulthood.. but maybe it's also about the preparation that I need for the future.
I don't know what will happen in the future..I only have the present. And as much as possible, I want to open myself up to the magic of the present. But i know in myself that my way of dealing with life wouldn't be easy if I don't make my past and future matter... As of now, I am just happy, overwhelmed but excited to live the present. But the present is not that friendly. Like right now, i feel guilty not having enough time for my family. I feel guilty that I may not be being fair to my employer and students; that my energy, focus and attention are all divided. I wish to give my 100% to whatever I do in the present but right now, I need to figure out what to leave and what to carry to the future. With all these confusions, one thing is for sure. I am making the right decision to pursue my dream of becoming a Clinical Psychologist.
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