The last two consecutive weekends of October has been remarkable. I had quality talks with friends, real close friends. And those talks made me realized that I have never meet love on a personal note, so as real mature romantic relationships per say.
Saturday morning, third week of October. I lost my phone, yet again. Take note that this phone was new! And as if money is easy to earn to buy new handset, I lost the new phone again. As the lost of that phone took place, I was able to recognize what was missing in me for real for the longest time. The real wisdom about love and relationship.
On that afternoon up to the early 1AM of Sunday, the next day, I was with two of my closest college friends: Max and Gijik. What kept us up, in Bo's then in Starbucks, was not only coffee but more so the talk about love. Gijik shared her recent love dilemma. But she also confessed that we were just the second option when it comes to talking about love. I felt sad when I learned that Gijik would prefer to talk to a newer close friend than us regarding love matters. Her reason: she was not sure if she can talk to us about that topic. What made her say that? The fact that Max and I have not been in any real relationships, rather, in any relationship, period. So the idea being suggested was that the lack of experience made us not the first option to talk to about lovelife. Well, that hurts. But in some way, I agree. I mean, I can probably listen, but what do I really say? Stuffs coming from books, novels, meaning stuffs coming from secondary sources…not coming from mine. Also, that's the point of saying experience is the best teacher. Would that mean that to gain wisdom on that is to experience that [love]? Well, whether there is a handful wisdom or pain package in loving, I always want to experience some genuine love…
That talk was one of the best talks of my 2011 so far, with Max and Gijik.
Sunday. I volunteered facilitating one of the Pathways college leadership formation workshops. The topic assigned to me was: Strategic Management and Community development. This kinds of stuffs are the ones that I love to do. But other than the fun and love of facilitating and teaching some teens, and young adults, I also love spending time with people like me… People who spent Sundays volunteering instead of "dating" or with the "primary family".
After the volunteer work, the facilitators usually hang-out for a dinner, typically in Kenny Roger's. I love the talk. I consider my co-facilitators my new found friends, but the relationship with them was not that deep. They are a group of real, dedicated, passionate and adorable people. And I love listening to them. Literally, that was what I did during that Sunday dinner. With occasional nods, and few remarks, I did nothing but listen to their talks about love. I think it was the first time that we talk about that topic. Usually, we talk about lifestyles, works, education…some slightly far personal stuffs. But that Sunday dinner time, we actually talked about love, although still in a little vague terms. Specifically, we talk about relationships, some forms of it (e.g., teacher-student, camping mates). They brought the topic about some student-teacher relationships in High Schools and in College. Actually, there is one on that group who had a personal experience of being the student in a teacher-student relationship. Another one didn’t exactly take part into that so-called relationship, but experienced being the teacher who were deeply "admired" by the students. Basically, they discussed the thing called "infatuation" and that was a discussion that contributed to my new discovery of comprehending love.
One remark that I won't forget from that conversation was: "love comes on its own timing"
The point: it is hard to contribute much when you have no personal experience of the subject matter at hand. :'( Even if the topic was very much familiar (love, teacher-student), my experience of it didn't exactly happen. It just occurred in my mind. :'( It is hard to talk when you don't know what the talk is about.
The next weekend, I was with a different set of close friends: M girls Angelico, Anne, and Luz. The overnight idea was mine. We had it in Anne's place. Luz and Icko cooked deliriously great pasta pesto. We also had Teriyaki Chicken c/o Luz's sister.
Saturday was a fun yet tiring Halloween party at work. Icko and I were so tired with the preparations and the implementation. But the energy seemed revived when we were talking about love. The four of us were settled to sleep already, but we practically sat up and played the "TRUTH" game. That was after we watched a movie and it was past 2 AM already. We were talking about relationships and love, basically. But it was no ordinary talk that we had before. That talk was deeper than any others we had, well at least as far as I am concerned. I know the details of their love stories, each of them. But I realized that I was only, again, secondary option to talk to when it comes to real talks about relationships and lovelife. I don't mean negative. And I think, my friends M Girls, did not mean to made me a second option. In fact, I was only second options to Icko and Luz. With Anne, I am the first she confided to. But the issue was not who was informed first. The issue was that, I was perceived to be someone who despite being a good listener and friend is 'not that ready' to talk about relationship stuffs.
I was thinking, Icko confided first at me… but not exactly his lovelife.. His real identity actually. So a friend confides the more-general-serious-personal stuffs than the relationships stuffs, first to me but the lovelife stuffs to other friends first.
Another thing, we were talking about the same topic but my contributions to the talk were all vague. Anne's were a little bit specific, but still vague.. Or should I say with a tone of confusion. But what Luz and Icko shared made me see a whole new perspective. I saw how my friends are capable of identifying what love and how love works for or with them. I envy them a lil for that. I can't say they are in all-always happy relationships, but relationships are not always happy. That's what I get from them. In loving, is feeling pain. The amount of pain sometimes becomes one's tangible measure of love…but the pain is actually what makes their individual relationships grow stronger and last happier. They can see beyond pain and those were love and contentment. As they share, I saw that their love is multi-time dimentional… not like mine, if you call that love at all--only futuristic. Their love encompasses the past, both positive and negative past with their significant others, then their present which they are very much enjoying, and then their look into the future… seeing their relationships in a long-term aspect.
This thing called love made my friends more mature and wiser than I thought. And which makes me feel like a child and ignorant of the world basic, yet most complex stuff: LOVE.
I may be a young adult with a matured thinking, can analyze complex behaviors; but I know or rather experience nothing enough to fully comprehend love.
No comments:
Post a Comment