Teardrops

June 30, 2011

I was supposed to sleep. Im just checking if my camera SD and my camera are properly working already…but sadly it’s not. And now, one of the parents of my students is texting me.. may mali na naman daw sa ginawa naming mga homeworks. The conclusion, she thinks that I am not doing my work properly..

Other than this, earlier, my heart almost bursts from trying hard not to cry in front of my colleagues. Another parent spoke to my boss about my “mistake” in teaching his son.

Haay June. Why does it have to end worse? Im not a machine ok? Im a human being not a human doing.. yes, I commit mistakes but I don’t know why I keep on repeating same mistakes. Am I damned? I feel like an idiot. What the heck?!

Yeah, I know this world is not easy. Very difficult indeed, but why does it have to be sooo damn hard like this?

What is wrong with me? Im getting tired but it seems that my efforts are not enough to suffice the demands of the kids, the parents and co-workers. Why do people think mostly about money? Why do they sell their integrity in exchange of money?

It is not in my vocab to quit but I feel like quitting now. I feel that I am an idiot; how come I am teaching… yet I keep on repeating the same mistakes? Was I too tired? What do I do? WOOOOO! Crying is supposed to make me feel better. But how come it makes my breathing so difficult… and my eyes… blurred. Okay, here I am crying a river or two again…

Three of my closest friends feel more or less the same way towards work and personal things… what is with june 3oth? I don’t like working to please people. I like to work for a cause…I am motivated when I know that my efforts are worth it… BUT these days, I can’t find any motivation. People are less appreciative and considerate. I felt like they think we are not humans, instead machines that are destined to serve them.

GOD, I know you’re listening. Do these things make me better? Well then, I accept it. But please help me have more patience and strengths to face this trial…

Teardrops