what happened to life?

wakes up at 4:30AM, sometimes 5AM sometimes, 3AM... starts teaching at 630AM until 430PM, 5PM, 6, 7, 8, even 9PM. have tues and fris class of 6 to 9 pm. training or meetings sometimes in between work and MA class. trainings, work, or research work on Sats, sometimes even suns. What is happening to my life? What happened to time? how did this become like this?

Great sacrifice. yes, it is a great sacrifice to do what you want but with limited energy expend because much of your energy is being drained by the work that I am either happy or not so happy doing.

God, i managed to survive the past three months.. but im barely surviving. how can i survive the next coming days. please help me....I know, with your guidance, all is well. 

When dream seems to fall into pieces, make a beautiful mosaic

Have you ever felt so lost? Have you had so many concerns lately that needs to be addressed?  Do you experience making decision, sometimes life-changing decisions, one after another, in a very short span of time? Do you have challenges at the moment that it feels like life is falling into tiny pieces?

Well, you're not alone. In this crazy world, full of crossroads, I'm also in.

I chose to take a baby step toward my dream. But after taking that step, many hurdles came in the way...hurdles that block my way of moving forward to that dream. What to do? Shall i back off and take an easier path, something that is not in line with my inner peace?

First thing first, accept the fact:Life is difficult. 

Not everything is given in a silver platter. Not everyone knows what they want or where they are going. Although, a few may know what they want, many lack the resources to achieve their dream. But who is great who doesn't start small? (If you know one, kindly let me know.) The great people I know, famous and not famous, all start with small steps. They became great not because they always take the right path, but because they learned how to listen to their inner peace and make sense of both failures and small successes.

We may overcome one challenge, but accept that as long as there is life, another will come. This is not some pessimistic thinking that life is always bad or ugly. It's just that life is meant to be difficult. 

Life is about growth, process, actualization. It is about finding meaning. It's about taking that path to your ONE ultimate dream despite the difficulties; some call it purpose, others call it 'calling'. No matter how we call it, life isn't life if we forget how to live the meaning of it. 

At the end of the day, it's all a matter of CHOICE with the process of discernment. We never know how close or far we are in our dream. But one thing is certain. What makes life difficult is the presence of change. Then, our inner peace would depend on how reactive are we on these changes.

When life seems falling into pieces, look again. The "pieces" is not an end, but it could be a start of a new 'purpose'. How about making a beautiful mosaic out of those pieces? 

The Planner

I spent too much time last night too busy selling my just-claimed-first-time STARBUCKS planner.  But when I woke - up and checked it, I saw the feature that only the Starbucks planner  of all the planner of 2012 have. It is the feature that I was looking for. Then I had second thoughts.

Before I ever had any planner for this year, either Filed or the SB (I currently use my Filed planner), I thought I checked all the possible 2012 planners. I checked SB planner more often than the Filed planner. I thought by deciding to buy the Filed planner, I was making an informed decision that I won't regret. I thought that that is the planner suited for me. But I guess, like many times that happened before, I overlooked things.

Both planners are great in its own individual accord. Both are 'boxed office' and are really limited. Although the two are too different when it comes to price, both are relatively costly so let's skip that part. But yes, both are definitely hard to find.

The filed planner was out of stock by the 2nd week of December 2011 in all the bookstores within the reach. I set having Filed planner as a goal because it's a unique planner. Many planners have special features, but Filed planner stimulates creativity. It has the usual expenses tracker, monthly view and doodle area (after every month), plus it's black and white with cool comics so you can color it and be as creative as you want! I thought I won't be able to find an item, but I got lucky. I didn't get it for free. But I got a little discount from a friend who is a friend of the main supplier. She said it was one of the last few stocked items. So when I finally had that planner, which I was looking forward to have ever since I saw it, I felt jubilant. It was only now that I realized I spent the whole month of December visiting and inquiring on bookstores and sites about that planner. It was a goal reached…and now I am thinking… was it?

The Starbucks planner, on the other hand, like the usual high-end super limited planner, is just around the corner, but certainly not easy to have. I had to collect worth thousands of stickers and soak myself into the 'coffee' mania', within almost two months, just to claim the very limited edition and highly expensive SB planner. For a breadwinner like me who is paying her own school MA tuition fee in a very expensive school, renting her own space, not to mention earning a not so high wage as a school teacher, SB shouldn't be in my lifestyle. And I thought so. When I first saw it, I didn't like it. It has limited space per day. THAT feature stuck on my mind, so even if I decided to collect stickers, I decided long ago, that SB planner was not for me. "That one won't suit me."  But when I checked this planner again, this time with more OCness and carefulness, (only on the last minute did I really check the real features of the planner that just slipped into my hand), I saw the thing which made me regret I am selling it now. Well, it was already sold last night. :(

SB planner was actually simple and very neat, plus it is inspired by nature. But the feature that made SB planner distinct from any planner, and washed all the impracticalities it bears, was that it is the ONLY planner of 2012 I saw with a BREAK/SPACE/NOTES AREA between the weeks! That is what I was looking for. It is a space not to doodle (like the one in the Filed planner) or to write a journal entry to, but a space wherein one could possibly write a weekly based roles diagram. It is a to-do like version but is inspired on a week-long term wherein one will not write the activities by the tasks but by the importance and by the roles he/she is playing in his or her life (see First things first book by Covey, Merrill, & Merrill). It is important to have a weekly overview not like a rigid to-do list by the day, to see that a week is the reality of living a balanced life in which one can possibly spend time with all aspects of life; and not just squeezing the most number of tasks possible in a day.

So I missed that! Seriously, I really missed that! How careless I was! Then, like I have no other thing to do, I checked and inspected my Filed planner. It doesn't bear my name yet, but I already colored some pages, and used the first few pages. Tooo late. How I wish that by not removing my eyes on it, somewhere in between the weeks, there'd be space. But that was hopeless. I can't sell it for those who are desperately looking for one. I love the Filed planner but I realized, just realized, that I love the SB planner more! I also realized that I spent too many efforts acquiring the SB planner, more than the efforts I paid with the Filed planner. But it [SB planner] is not mine anymore; actually it was never mine.

In life, sometimes, we are always looking out for the best, the ideal… Then, we'll go to the market and canvass for what the best is. We'll find the popular and will check it, then we'll like it. We'll glance at the "competitors" but oftentimes, we're too focused on the 'popular'. We will find things about the popular that match ours. We'll find that it's near extinction and that we're afraid of losing it, so we'll grab the very first moment that offers the possibility to have it. But, oftentimes, we'll realize at the end of the search, that we are actually doing something that we are not so conscious about. We are actually "searching" and working to have something that seemed "meant to be", long before we actually became conscious that we were searching the 'popular'. We'll put efforts on finding the 'less-paid-attention-to' but most of the time we are too busy "eyeing" the "popular". And when the time comes that we actually have the one which  truly speaks our heart and innermost desire, it was too late---because somebody else  took care of it.

Definitely, the planner never planned anything for us. It is just there to facilitate our true hearts' desire, but we will always have to make choices first, and set our own path. No matter what one's planner is, it will always be a personal thing that speaks of one's life.

Don't lose your planner!

One positive thought at a time. Go me!

Rules against stress

My rules of thumb as preventive measures of stress: 

• Be kind to everyone, without exemption. Listen genuinely.
• Suspend judgment.
• Set reasonable deadlines and work within that framework. Work passionately.
• Reward myself whenever I do a ‘good job’.
• Set limits. Say ‘Yes!’ to principle-centered important matters and ‘No’ to time-wasters. Prioritize.
• Be healthy. Eat, sleep, and exercise.
• Pray intentionally.
• Delay gratification, then play.
• Learn responsibly.
• Love unconditionally
• Express gratitude.
• When situations seem out of control, reframe. When we can’t change it, accept it.

We cannot change our whole personality but we can modify our attitudes and behaviors. It is always a matter of choice with the right amount of motivation. 

2nd half of April start of a new habit

I have a new GOAL!

Inspired by the summer class about well-being and stress management, I decided to start a new habit today. I call it my morning ritual. I woke-up early, fixed my things, ate my breakfast, and prepared to go out. Wearing my sneakers, tight black leggings and my purple Bohol shirt, I went to jog/walk along the E. Abada St., to the sidewalks of Ateneo. It was around 6:15AM. Most of the people who jogged were  older people, all jogging in solitude, too. I saw one old lady walking her dog inside the campus. Although, there were also young adults, both men and women early joggers at that time. At around 7:30, joggers came into pairs and triads--all of those I saw were young adults to middle-aged men.

After burning some fats, I went to Gesu. I was the only person there, except for the two Sakristans working at the back of the altar. I was in solitude and I felt at peace. The sound of the birds, machine used for the grass and some vehicles, as well as the sound of the wind as it touches the trees and other plants all seem to be in harmony. It was like music inviting me to be in trance. I reflected, and prayed to God. I realized how blessed I am despite the challenges. I prayed that He continuously bless me and my family and give us the strength to overcome the challenges. I prayed that the people like my previous employer find peace and light. God is there listening… and I tried to listen, too. I observed the environment. From myself, as I noticed the sweat drifting into my face, to the natural light of the sun reflected on Jesus' image to the trees and plants surrounding the Gesu, I felt Him. I felt that as always, God is there to guide us.. When I went out, I saw two man in blue uniform with flowers. I think, they are about to prepare the church for a Sunday Mass. I sat on the stairs of the Gesu… and there I continued admiring the beauty of the nature or the school per se… the trees, the green field and the people walking, jogging or just passing by.

Life is full of good and greater things!:)